Unbearable

Finally, 2016 has come to its end. I do not wish for anything but I hope that I will become a better person in 2017 and will not care much about people. Because in the end, they will leave me. I hope that I will achieve all my targets which are to get dean list in every semester and just focus on my studies to make my parents happy. That is all.

From secondary school until now, I think I mischoosed my friends. After all, I'm the one that always care for their feelings. Like when they (she, actually) to accompany her to the cafe to buy food and I always replied with a yes. Just now, I asked her to accompany me to buy dinner later, she said 'Yang lain pun makan.' It is not about others, it is about you. And guess what, 'yang lain tak nak makan malam pun'! Lol, what am I actually to you? Someone that you could use whenever you want? Someone that you could use when you have no one? I bet I am.

I guess this is my punishment. I will never find any friends that actually think of me as their friends. I'm so jealous when I saw someone posted a picture with her friends. What are friends for actually? Help each other? Nonsense. I never have friends that know me really well, know my behaviour, my thoughts, when I'm sad, when I'm angry. I really want a friend that could treat me really like friend. Once, just once. I really wish. A friend that would never say no to you, and I would never say no to her as well.

My friends right now, I never say no to them and yet, they always say no to me. Maybe this is really my punishment, I will never find a real friend in my life. My punishment for my wrongdoings during my previous life. What I've done to be treated like this?

xoxo, Nad

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