Thoughtless

Assalamulaikum.

"Sebenarnya pointer kita untuk exam final ni pun Allah dah tentukan. Study ke tak study ke pointer tu jugak yang kau akan dapat. So, tak payah lah study senang cerita. Tapi, kita boleh ubah nasib kita dengan usaha. Dan, kau pernah tak ada kawan yang sekuat mana dia study tapi result dia rendah? Walau kuat mana pun kau study, kau usaha kalau Allah tak nak bagi, tak dapat. Tapi kau kena ingat, Allah suka dengan orang yang berusaha. Sebab tu, walaupun kita tahu result kita untuk final ni dah ditentukan, still kena berusaha untuk lebih baik dan kita kena ubah niat tu, berusaha kerana Allah. Baru Allah bagi."

This make me realized that after all these achievements, I was not still good enough as a muslim. My hard work all this time to get to where I'm standing right now, it was all insincere. Sincerity was not with me. All this time I studied real hard which I thought I did it because of Him was not sincere at all. I studied for high pointer, high marks and of course, I did it to gain acknowledgements. I thought that I have become someone that I proud of, but no. I'm not proud of myself. I did it for something else, for my own satisfaction. No wonder I always not satisfied at what I have achieved so far. I always want more. I don't care about others that are lower than me. I'm ungrateful for what I have achieved even though there are always someone who got lower than me. Of course, I will always be ungrateful because I did it only to my satisfaction. No sincerity. Not because of Him.

Tonight talks made me realized everything. No wonder people who do 'qiam' all night got higher marks than me because they remembered Allah in the mist of preparation for exam. Meanwhile me, I studied all the time.

This is what should I do, change myself. Do it because of Him.

xoxo, Nad

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