Self-reflection: Hypocritism

Assalamualaikum.

Currently I'm treating and fattening myself after I finished my matriculation. After a few months (actually I've noticed this quite a while but I didn't have the time to write it), I noticed that I'm a different person when I was in college and when I'm home with my parents. I became a person with no responsibility. I did not do the things that I used to do when I'm in college. I thought that I had changed to better but all that was gone when I'm home. I used to think that I can change, one day I change and the next day I turn myself to the old me. Why I can't be better? And stay. I used to know someone that I thought will change me for good but after I lost contact with him, I changed myself back. Is all the changes is from the inner me or the push from that someone? I don't know.

I wish I changed for myself and not for that particular person. I think I'm being a hypocrite, being a new person just to attract that person's attention. I'm lying to myself. I'm lying to everyone. Not being your true self  in front of other people is hard. But if that my-not-true-self is the better person, I will choose to live the my-not-true-self. I want to change, and stay. Not acting when I'm away from home and back to old me when I'm home.

Sayonara.

Nad, 1.00 PM.

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