Expressed

I just want to go back to the normal days. I want to go back to Kluang. It has been really hard for me here. I miss the old days where my friends and I were really sincere to be friends. Our friendship is really what I would call friends till Jannah. I miss my friends in Kluang and my happy life, without worrying if I would ever hurt my friends because I know that we were all sincere. I can speak out my opinion freely without worrying losing my friends if they didn't accept it. I can call my friends with a lot of nicks without they took offense. I can do anything with my friends without worrying that someday they'll avoid me or leave me because I know that it'll never going to happen. I never had the feeling of worrying taking care of one's heart and so because we were really, really sincere.

I moved here, everything's changed. I start to have the feeling of worrying if I will ever hurt my friends. I need to limit my words because I'm afraid that they might feeling offended and then leave me. I need to take care of one's heart and feeling. Sometimes, I even care to take the blame of my friend's fault. I put my friends above myself. But still, I never feel the sincerity in our friendship. I just don't get it. What was the definition of friendship to them? They talked bad about each other, getting angry because of small things, didn't talk to each other. Sometimes I thought that 'Are they really friends?' and I just let that question slipped out of my mind. I moved here, I cried many times because of friends. Someone should never make their friend cries. It hurts a lot. Feel like there's no one besides you and you have to bear it alone. You feel like you want to end school straight away and go to a place where they can't find you. Yes.

Every time I had a hard time, I always wrote something in this blog. I had no one that I can talk to. Twitter? They are all there. Facebook? I'm afraid. My old friends? They all are in a residential school. After I wrote something, I felt like I have expressed my feeling to someone and that has lessen my burden.

I want to go back during my primary school. We were small, innocent kids happily playing with friends and making jokes together. It's nice, really nice.

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