Sincerity

Assalamualaikum. It's been so long since my last post in here. I couldn't say that I was too busy with studying and such because you know, it's hard to keep on living with hateful, jealousy, mockery, taunts... It's hard to live with that surrounding your head and close your heart to believe in people. Friends? As I said, human-human relationship is not sincere at all. Even when you think you have friends but the actual thing is you don't. I have friends but I didn't feel any sincerity in them, well simple said they treated me like I was invisible. Sometimes when they gather to chat or something, I was being left alone. I didn't got the chance to chat with them. Sometimes I felt like I was never be with them. Bit by bit, I'm being forgotten. The most part is when I greeted them and they were just didn't gave me any response like it was never happened. Ya Allah my heart hurt. Then sometimes I reminisced what have I done and it turned out that I was the one that busy taking care of their hearts and feelings. I've done enough by supporting them. They never cared of my heart and feeling. Still, on their social network account, they updated just like they are the one that were being hurt like 'Psychology says, the person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest.. ' The truth is I'm the one feeling the loneliest. Everyday, I feel like crying and end up thinking 'No, it's okay. They are my friends. I need to work harder and talk to them more.' but the more I try the more hurt I get. There once, I went into my class and smiled at them but they were like ignoring me so I sat on my chair and put my head on my desk. I reminisced what have I done but I'm sure I've done nothing to hurt them. At that time, bit by bit my tears burst out. Then I thought that they hated me because of the rumor (but they said that they didn't trust that) and I just kept silence that day. I tried to keep everyone happy. I never disagree with anyone. I'm afraid that I'll lose my friends until I didn't even speak out my opinion when they were planning something or even when they said something. I'm never angry at them. I always follow what they say. I never done something that will make them hurt or angry. But why? Why I'm feeling that I didn't have any friends? Why they treat me like I'm invisible? But then when they talked to me, they spoke sarcastically? When they were planning to hang out or something, they didn't asked me to come along. I'm the one that busy taking care of everyone's heart but they were never cared about my heart.

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